Kate

My story (trigger warning- rape)

August 27, 2022. I was a new college student! Ready to take on freshman year. I was aiming to get my graphic design degree at a small college in Ohio. Then, the night of August 27 hit. I went out with some friends, had a beer, and a guy offered to buy me one. I said yes, thinking nothing of it as he seemed like a nice guy and I had only had one drink so far. I managed to get quite a few sips of the drug he mixed in with my drink before I couldn’t see straight. I had no idea what was happening, because I knew there was no way I could get drunk so fast off of a beer and a few sips of another, so I just sat down trying to calm down. My brain has blocked out a lot of the memories I have, but I do have spots I remember from the walk home. I remember him forcing me to leave with him from the bar and me immediately getting a bad gut feeling. I asked his major, and what building he lived in. Those two things were all I remembered about him as a person, besides what he wore. I kept repeating in my head, “yellow sweatshirt, blue tennis shoes.” “yellow sweatshirt, blue tennis shoes,” because I swore that would be how I found who he really was. Now, it took just a few minutes to get back to my dorm, and I don’t know how we got in or how he got my keys, but we made it into my dorm, where my roommate was asleep. I couldn’t speak but I was hoping and praying she’d wake up, and she did. I struggled to try and signal her, but she didn’t see. This was right before I passed out for good. I woke up in that bed a little later, got up, and my roommate was gone. It was still dark outside, and I didn’t feel well, so I went to the bathroom. I hadn’t comprehended anything. My roommate was sitting on the couch with many of my “friends” from the school. Then and there I was deemed the “floor whore,” with no one to believe what happened to me. My entire floor turned their backs on me and I had no where to go. I went to a different floor and slept in this girls room I had met once before. I was hysterical and explained whatever I could to her, and remember her calling an RA where I re-explained everything, and a report was filed immediately. I slept until 4 o’clock the next evening just to see I had bled everywhere. I already had my period that month. I was freaking out, remembering events from the night before, and putting these puzzle pieces together. As these images from the night before zipped through my mind I completely lost it. I had no idea where to go or what to do. Everyone called me a liar and said it was fake so I shouldn’t report him because it would ruin him. The classic reasons. I couldn’t report because I didn't know his name but I damn well reported without his name. I found his name months later with the information I gathered the night he raped me, but “it was too late to give him consequences.” I then went into therapy, found some friends that I quickly lost, and left this college once they decided to move me into the same building as the guy who raped me. I was harassed by past friends, yelled at, made fun of, and extremely suicidal. I didn’t know what to do anymore, and was scared of myself, so I went home. I have been in intense trauma therapy since and will be attending a new college in the Fall of 2023.

a/n

this has been my safe space to share my story, if you feel okay to anonymously or publicly share yours, email it to me and it will be published.